Uncomfortably Numb

I know it writing time with me when I am utter obber bored. Tried chatroulete for a while didn't like it. Frankly too many guyz... bored like me. So whats up with me. Been following some people on the web and its unfulfilling as any other thing on the net

For as long as I can remember I loved stories... the school library, the stories Daddy used to bring from Lahore or Karachi, Tarzan, Imran Rehan Series, Nonehal, Sherlock Holmes etc. etc. I even wrote one sci-fi story when I was in 4th or 5th class then there were the aural story sessions in the recess time in school, a bunch of my friends would gather around and listen to my stories... and these were spontaneous on the spot creations I would just ask them where did the story end and then start from there... In high school I was more into poetry than writing stories and stuff. I would never claim my self to be a poet or a writer though... its just release...  I really wish to write something profound but I dunno ... I started writing blog like notes in a Star Trek LCARS inspired program called Holonote in 2000 most of that stuff I used here and there in my blog when I started blogging... but much of it remains hidden cause well ... I just cant put that here... its too personal a

People blog for many reasons, some just for fun, some make money from it and some like me need a place to flush it out... these blogs are meant more for one's self than others cause most of time it doesn't contain any useful thing for others... A lot has happened to me in the last few months... not that Im gonna write about it here anyway but what I can write is that Im constantly walking a tight rope... and I fear that this time Im going to fall... Im having a kind of writers block ... nothing comes to my mind.. well nothing worth writing here anyway... see even here Im concerned about protecting others and what they might think if they find out what I think of them ... I leave a few clues here and there for the one who really would care enough to read between the lines... but I know ... no one cares... we all are in it for the "fun" ... as I said on twitter the other day Social networking on the internet should not be called social at all cause its selfish an

Its a natural reaction. It would have happened like this. The inevitability of such things is not rare. Humans break. I give up now I admit it. No use fighting anymore. I become numb and oblivious of the hell your putting me through. Go on do your best, take your best shot, run me down, burn me. That wont hurt me anymore... Its strange to watch yourself burn and not feel it. Surely this could not be real. You said you could feel what I could feel but people lie...

It was a beautiful morning today and the rain made it perfect. But the plight of so many stuck in the floods is nagging at my back. All I want to say about it that if people of Pakistan still don't understand their mistake then it would be too late. The signs are in plain sight for all to see. This is not just random disaster. Just put on the TV and watch the news 10 dead there 20 dead there 4 dead while saving one child. The news comes again and again as a non stop barrage. Wake up Pakistan and see what you have done wrong!

Is it possible for me to stop wining about every little thing that happens... I mean I see people so happy and enjoying their lives... surely there lying right? I so so want to be like those people but I can't ... because I cant shut my reality out just like that ... This is hypocrisy of the soul of which we are guilty of everyone of us for example we shut our eyes and ears of the pain our neighbors are in ... some would increase the volume of their tv not to hear the sound of the domestic violence happening across the walls.... I can never enjoy anything anymore... there is always something nagging at the back of my head. Oh I so miss the old days... Am I cold and insensitive? Is longing for true understanding a sin? Is such a thing even possible? We so want others to like us praise us... but do I like the person I see in the mirror? Sadly the answer is NO. What is, that makes some people standout. The greatest weakness I've ever had is the shyness or the fear I

I have a theory that everything changes in a person's life in every two years at most. Ive seen it in my life many times. What I believed was that circumstances change but I didn't think that people change as well ... well I didn't know better... There is no such thing as a constant in our lives. I've seen people change, the ones I thought never could. Its painful to me to look back and see the ones I loved and shared my life with being so selfish. Whose to blame here? me or them ... have I changed as well? I guess I have... for better or worse I don't know One might say I'm the reason of my problem.