Uncomfortably Numb

Feeling the numbness seeping in right to the pores nothing left within lifeless eyes stare at me, faces grinning as the soul evaporates and they win you dont know the depth of my grief was said to me aching and crying what to offer there is nothing left some comfort words and praying strange bonds of shared sadness carried through wires paper thin

How do we believe something? How do we go beyond a shadow of a doubt about something? What are our convictions & beliefs and are they really forever and do we cloud our judgement with our aspirations and distorted view of the world through our limited knowledge and by simply believing what we are told? As terms like Islam Ahmadiyya or #JalsaUK trend at the top positions on Pakistan's twitter page, previously terms like Promised Messiah or Mirza Masroor Ahmad and others also trended. Now assuming that most of the pakistani twitter users check to see what the current trends are, why did they choose to ignore it, or why does it stir so much hatred thats what I am trying to figure out. "Mostly" the literate intellectuals choose twitter as their social network, ones that can see through the uselessness of Facebook and are interested in serious dialog and discussion. It seems logical when a term like The Promised Messiah pops up it should warrant some investigation...

It was 1984 and I was 7 years old. That day was strange my dad brought a box home and it was filled with kalima badges I had never seen so many badges before. As I vaguely recall I asked my father what were they for and he said they are for proudly showing that we are Muslim. Why do we have to show anyone that were Muslims? was my question and his reply was cause some bad guys think they can read what's in your heart. Darker days were ahead Zia's ordinance had been enforced I remember that day when they said you cannot do Adhan in your mosques and you cannot call your mosque what it was. I remember the prayers where my father and brothers and sister and others would cry and one could hear the cries of lament that emanated from their souls. Soon news started to arrive of arrests being made, their crime? "posing as a Muslim" and I would wonder how can I be any other way, I am a Muslim thats all I know how to behave like... Will they come for me too? Then one

forewarned not to be ridden unwise to taste the forbidden for there is always a catch sweet poison vile and hidden while the infection quickly spread ensuing blindness to the looming dread woven was a deception so complete pretty beads of lies on every thread ambition kindling the fire within virtue withered naked souls therein when the blistering truth conceded nothing was left but a prying grin left untold and forgotten will be that love once blossomed for me that I bore such tormentful cruelty hiding wounds where none can see

I wrote some of this a month after the attacks in Lahore,  in which more then 86 Ahmadi worshipers were brutally murdered. It was the largest attack of this kind on Pakistani soil and modern Religious history, even after so many years the memories remain vivid in my mind and every new atrocity brings back the pain to the surface again. A lot has been said for how it happened and why it happened and who is responsible. For that I only say that we have rested our case to Allah Almighty and He will do us justice Inshallah. Although this event had a profound impact on all of the Jamaat what I want to share here are my personal observations as a person who was involved in reporting the incident via MTA International. I got the news while I was at home cause friday is the day off. I was called to the office immediately as our teams were getting ready to go to Lahore. At that time I was sent to the Aam Qaberstan (the graveyard next Bahisthi Maqbra) to get the shots of the graves being

Mooda says I am leaving. He is determined to leave Pakistan at whatever cost. I asked him what will you do and he says ... bathroom saf ker laan ga but will not live in this country any more. What provoked this sudden change of heart I asked and he said in his typical style ... Yaar Naeem Bhai eithay kuj nahin rakhya hun ... sab tabah ho gya aey ... Kam koyee hay nahin .. machinan band piyan nain loki dokana khol ke behtay nay per kam nahin kuinke bijli nahin.... The same Mooda only a few months ago said he would never leave Pakistan ever... then asked he said there are plenty of opportunities here and if one worked hard he could make a life for him self. Once I asked him Mooday tuun baher kuin nahin challa janada he said Pakistan mera mulk aey asi bari qurbaniyan dityan ne ainoo banan astay agar sab parhay likhay log chad kle challay gaye te fer aida ki banay gaa. Mooda was doing his PhD in physics at that time. I wonder how many Moodas are left in this country now ...

I have learned from experience over and over again that people cannot be trusted. When I first heard trust no one on x-files I didn't know that eventually it would become my motto too. What amazes me is how easily everyone else around me seem to trust total strangers. Maybe I was destined to be a loner. I definitely didn't plan on it. And then come those people who want something from you always, the moment their need is satisfied your history bro. And there are those who always manage to find fault in every thing someone does I imagine thats partially because of their inability to achieve what u have. And then there are those who just do anything for glory wah wah and balay balay. In my life I've rarely seen people who were genuine and wanted to do something just because it was needed. People assume everyone to be like themselves and read motives and aspirations which may not exist. I'm sick of people. People despise, say hateful words, deceive and manipulate, lie, ch