Uncomfortably Numb

For he talks in riddles but easy to decipher pointless banter, vices of the pretentious tis the arrogance that saddens the heart for nothing makes it completely go dark witnessed the depth of cruel deception from those apparent bastions for faith horrid faces unsightly, forgetting humility becoming fodder for fire inside and out partake mere indulgence of power for it corrupts the soul form within the devil whispers praise in thy ears making one forget the dust in the end for what is man but not dust encompassed briefly held in the boundaries of time he who sees himself above others, forgets for man has one constant, looming frailty words echo forever even if the soul dies pride gets buried in the dust with the rest

People use others insecurities to manipulate them and they don't even realise that there being used... and seems like age has nothing to do with wisdom...  Once entrapped by vanity, ego or insecurities I've often wondered what makes people do the things they do and always found petty reasons behind their actions. Beware of such people they are very skilful at finding the vices of the ego of others and using them to their advantage.  They attach themselves like a parasite sucking the blood of the host while giving the illusion of nurturing. The power of these people relies on your trust and their tell is that they isolate you from the rest of the world and fuel your paranoia that everyone is against you and only they are your true well wishers. True friends tell you the bitter truths and never try to isolate you. Deceivers try to isolate you for only then they can keep feeding you their lies and using you.  Once you stop talking to others and weighing in th

29th May 2013 the last day I saw my son alive. We had traveled all night and my flight was at 9am. We stayed at a place for freshening up in the morning just outside of Islamabad, it was a cool breeze and Rohan & Rohail were running around, it was a hilly place all green, a mosque.  It was the last time I saw him smiling, that moment his innocence, the laughter with his brother, thats how things should be. A playstation thats all he wanted, and thats what I promised I would send him, he had started counting the months even before I left. A year later when Rohail got his console I kept thinking how happy Rohan would have been if he had gotten it. As we started again, he became sad, he did not want me to leave, he was on the back seat, how I wish I could have spent more time with him, when we reached the airport we were running a few mins late so I quickly hugged everyone Goodbye, how I wish I could have hugged him a little longer. That was the last time I touched him.

On 5th April 2015 with the grace of Allah I was blessed with a daughter, Aaniya Ahmad. I find no words adequate to describe my gratitude, this is just a humble attempt. O Allah the almighty the all knowing ever the merciful Giving without asking boundless and plentiful  Showing graces for a mote of dust the most sinful No words can ever capture thy magnificence beautiful  For I am nothing without thy grace Lord of all worlds For your blessings have given me a gift so wonderful When I had thought all was lost and happiness forsaken Tis you o Lord who has made all anew, life meaningful   Weak words of gratitude I submit a humble supplication praise for Allah the magnificent from one deeply grateful

To tell the truth I am more of a ST-TNG fan than the original series and thats because my introduction to Star Trek came in the form of TNG in the late 80s on Pakistan Television. I was 11 and was blown away, spent hours on an imaginary space ship of my own, giving orders and defeating threats. The desktop of my school desk was littered with the designs of my imaginary touch screens. Only when satellite tv came to us in the mid 90s I got a taste of the original series which seemed weird and wacky to me, but in it there was a voice, a voice of reason and logic which appealed to me and thats when I fell in love with a tv character called Spock. As I grew up and went through various re runs and books related to Star Trek I began to understand the appeal of an utopian society where logic and science ruled, where there was no poverty for the most part, where there was no need for money and everyone was free to pursue their dreams, most of these books were written by Leonard Nimo

As I was growing up in Pakistan I never really thought of myself as a minority until the bitter reality hit me in the late 80s that everything I was, was wrong to someone. Even though I never did anything to that someone, I didn't even know that someone. A generation that has grown belonging to my faith has known nothing but hatred from their fellow Pakistanis, Ahmadis living in big cities face discrimination as routinely as an ordinary Pakistani does load shedding. As if firing from jobs, shunning from businesses, students being rusticated and separation of water glasses were a birth right, every facet of society takes its share in discrimination, in dehumanising, in rampant disregard of common human decency.  Someone told me how her family was evicted from the house they were renting because they were found out as an Ahmadi & the landlord although acknowledging the fact that they were model tenants had to do it. I noticed that when she was speaking whenever she us

The heart weeps As if it forgot how to beat I close my eyes and see faces Of children in uniforms Drenched in blood The blood of innocence I see that mother Beside that coffin I see that father Kissing the dead hand I see dreams shattered I see futures Being buried I see my son In those faces And I can't hold my tears I can't stop my heart from exploding You who have lost your child I know your pain I weep with you I grieve with you I pray for you