Uncomfortably Numb

The reality of living in this world, a conflict between the needs and wishes deeply anchored in the class divide. I see mediocrity so permanently imbued in the collective psyche.  Sometimes all one can do is to give in to the mundane, stop living & just exist. Finding someone to have an offbeat, real meaningful conversation, an impossibility. I sought refuge in the social media for some time, but that too has become stale, tedious. A habit without any emotional reward. The interaction, all but reduced to regurgitation of bent opinions and trumpeting of political agenda or some religious doctrine, manipulation. No one questions anymore, no one has time to think for himself and arrive on conclusions, perhaps wrong but his own. This place has no respite, no open space to just sit and ponder. One wonders is it by design? The whole system built on repression, on exploitation, the divide, easily seen. Yet the rituals of allegiance continue, conditioning the masses not to question. A

No. I won't say it when I know your words words. Without meaning When I see your eyes Eyes. Betray what's in the heart Heart. Which has no love Without saying a word You ripped apart all that was All that ever will be What saddens me the most Your eyes have no remorse No. I won't answer for you When you don't even see the pain overrated bonds of blood in vain Reason. Something to gain? Blemish. An irreversible stain I could never understand  Why those you love the most Are the ones who hurt the most And they don't see it, don't care So now you win, I don't care either

Life gives you lemons And the lemons are sour A world where you're measured not what's in the heart, but more You look better from a distance A burden they'd rather abhor Tis better never pinning hopes When apparent, they care no more You become insignificant, worthless The higher & higher they soar To them you're a relic Something they'd rather not explore You try, but your heart can't ignore You are, just not the destination anymore

Soaring high in the sky As the visions in time fly by That last goodbye Can't forget even if I try A test to the core I pleaded I couldn't take no more Gave me the ever listener a new dawn Such happiness and bliss in-store  As I see the clouds pass me by Can't help but be grateful My heart sings thy praise o Lord Such kindness for me the sinful?  All I wish is your grace A place within your embrace For I know there is no other bliss A world to vanish without a trace

Like a failing leaf I stumble  Falling into oblivion I shudder Watching with eyes wide shut I forsake convention for bliss Inviting me is the darkness eternal Underneath the layers of dust Can't fathom what lies beyond Perhaps a smile of a loved one  Perhaps a face not seen for long embrace not held when it was time A heart can only take so much Perhaps mine is made of stone Beneath every smile, every breath It aches it shatters it melts it breaks The world calls to me oblivious Not knowing how I loath its existence Glimmers of happiness, a child's voice a companion's embrace, light in darkness

I know what this pain is  why it hurts when I close my eyes I know why the heart aches  I know why it burns when I try to remember  For these are the tears that never came out  For I kept waiting for someone to cry with Searching for a shoulder to cry on For I loved her like a mother  didn't even let me see her face How loathsome you are  For humanity a disgrace  Pity thy soul for it knows love not  Pity thy life for it is all a loss May she rest in peace  For she sacrificed everything for you May she be with loved ones Far better than all of you A few days ago one of my very close non Ahmadi relatives passed away when we went there we were treated like untouchables, It's surreal to be treated as outcasts or achoot in a house u grew up in, by those who don't even belong there... What's more hurtful is the silence and subtle distancing of those very close to you to appease others ...  I have never felt hatred from others like that but only from these people before as wel

I usually stay away from the news and thats by design cause every time there is a new atrocity, my mind starts reeling, I come face to face with the same dilemma again & again, if you speak up no one listens, yet can't stay quiet as well, too much bloodshed all around, the soul slowly becomes numb, while the killing & bloodshed in the name of every possible deity continues, on to the next atrocity & the next. Outrage expressed in the form of words on a computer screen, What does it achieve... Nothing. Murderers keep roaming free. No one can/will stop them, for everyone has vested interests. Those who need to hear those words, never will & those who read them, choose to ignore. Truth. It doesn't phase anyone anymore, We see images of unimaginable human suffering due to the cruelty of other humans, we are content with sharing those images with others on social media, a few comments here and there and on to the next post, all that human suffering reduced