Uncomfortably Numb

The story of why I bought a mechanical keyboard The other day we took the kids to Playdium. Before they could play, we had to fill out some consent forms on their computers. They had these old-fashioned, clicky mechanical keyboards. Aaniya started typing on one and said, “This is really nice to type on.” And something about that stayed with me. I’ve been wanting to write more, but I’ve been using Apple’s little Magic Keyboard. It’s perfectly functional, but my fingers almost feel like they’re sliding across it. I started wondering whether having a keyboard that actually felt good to type on might make me want to sit down and write more. Then I realized there was probably another reason that feeling appealed to me. When I was in fourth grade, my dad was away in the UK. I had recently learned about the Commodore 64 and desperately wanted one. I asked Dad to bring me one, and he told me that if I got good grades in my exams, he would. While I waited, I used to practice typing...

Most of the pictures that I took in the late 80s were shot by this camera Kodak Ektralite 10 which was gifted to me by my sister when I was 11, it was easy to operate and had a cartridge of 24 pictures which you could just slide in the back. Perfect for a kid. The pictures were slightly smaller than a regular camera though. My dad had many camera in his collection starting form the 50s like his Rolleiflex. It still worked. The film was hard to obtain though. Around late 80s he had a Yashica which he would let me have occasionally and to his dismay I eventually broke. But the one I always wanted was an SLR and I finally got my wish in the mid 90s when my Mamoo came to Pakistan and gave me his own camera. I loved that camera and took so many pictures with it but it was stolen. I don't remember the exact model no. Thats Rohan in the picture. My photography has mostly been my family and kids. Obviously I got the photography bug from my Dad, interestingly although he took many pictures ...

Before Mahmood sweet shop there was a Mahmood sweet corner. I used to get the moti wali namkeen sainviyan from there on my way back from school, and it was the imaginary boundary that I allowed myself go as far as from home on my bicycle when I was in grade 4. My red cycle, the brakes were gone, but I used that as an advantage since I rolled the handle inwards and it would look like KITT's steering wheel from Knight Rider... Yep, kids imagination is weird. I was a dreamer... Spent my time day dreaming adventures... My siblings were much older than me and by that time had gone abroad, so I was a lonely kid playing in the terrace we had... It had two shades of the ventilation windows and above them two windows of the upstairs rooms... Perfect... two large computer consoles from Star Trek and the windows their screens. I loved Commander Data the most. In a way, GPT is a dream come true. When we got satellite tv in the 90s, there was Star Movies, but it had this weird analogue encrypt...

The slippery slope of pride, The world beckons, take a ride. It's so evident, even though I try my best to hide. Easy to see in others, A wavering soul the guide. How can one invite Him To a heart occupied? For a cleansing is required Before asking Him to reside.

The music that shaped me. I was born into a music-loving family. My dad was a music collector; a lot of vinyls and cassettes, and even spool tapes, were the norm. I guess most of the music would have come from Radio Bahrain and the tapes my sister made by recording off the radio. But there were other tapes as well, which were also a staple diet for me, and when I search for them now, they are really very rare things indeed. I wonder who got them. Was it my dad, my brothers, or my sister? How did they come to know about these, like the James Last tapes, or Space, the French band? Was it just that everyone was listening to these gems at that time? Even now, when I listen to some really good melody, my thoughts are, "My dad would like this." I wonder, do I have anything that’s of my own, or is it just what I learned from all the music around me? I know most of the music was my brother’s choice, and whenever I listen to those songs, I think of him. Once he was visiting Pakistan, ...

These days I’m finding it hard to write about anything. Sometimes I wonder is it because I’ve got nothing left to say or am I just being numb. People change and I think I’ve changed the most. All those posts on social media about nostalgia designed for engagement make me sad for a time that was much simpler but we didn’t know did we that it wont last. Would I change anything... yeps lots. Then again as my sister says that everything one goes through in life is designed for your specific needs. In a sense the events of your life shape the eventual form of your spirit.  Our family has been gone through losses lately. First my brother passed away and then just a few months later my brother in law also passed away. I think I knew my bother but my brother in law I only meet a few times, since he lived in Australia and me in Pakistan and all my endeavours to go to Australia failed. But people say good things about him and thats what matters isn’t it that you are remembered in good words....

  جانے دو بس اب جانے دو سوچوں کو اب آنے دو وہ پل اب یادوں ہی میں بس جانے دو جن کی راہ تکتے رہے رات بھر اب انہیں سو جانے دو اپنی کم شناسی کو اپنی اس اداسی کو تھکن سمجھ کر  کھو جانے دو وہ دل جو کچھ نہ چاہے اسے راحت کی کیا طلب اسے تو بس سکوں کی جا کہیں بس جانے دو آرزو تو بس یہی ہے میری کہ کہوں خدا سے  راضی ہوں تیری رضا پر  تو مجیب اور میں منتظر