Too much

These days been very busy. Yeah me ... busy ... that's a contradiction maybe cause most ppl think that I am the laziest person in the world. Anyway been busy as hell. The funny thing is that I don't actually do anything just supervise the repair work at my house.
So whets up with my life. Same old insecurities same old fears nothing changes... But this time I must do something... I can feel it... time has run out ... I need to do something and fast.
The thing that annoys me the most is that I cant be at a place. I cant enjoy something... If I do ... something happens to spoil it. It has happened so many times to me that I really just cant enjoy anything at all anymore.
I keep waiting for signs signals and maybe a helping hand... infect I have relied on others most of my life. I don't know why cant I summon up the confidence I need and I need it bad.
The worse thing is that people are so good at passing judgments on others but never present anything that can actually help. If I were not in Pakistan I would have gotten some professional help regarding this but here...
Then there is the thing about sharing my thoughts my hopes and dreams ... Its a lonely feeling... like there is nobody that can understand me.
so ... its all becoming too much for me.... so I feel !!! and the funny thing is that I don't even have a nervous break down... !!!


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