Uncomfortably Numb

The heart weeps As if it forgot how to beat I close my eyes and see faces Of children in uniforms Drenched in blood The blood of innocence I see that mother Beside that coffin I see that father Kissing the dead hand I see dreams shattered I see futures Being buried I see my son In those faces And I can't hold my tears I can't stop my heart from exploding You who have lost your child I know your pain I weep with you I grieve with you I pray for you

Rohan would have turned 11 this September and when I posted his pic online someone who obviously didn't know about the events of last year asked me who was he and I kept asking myself the same question after that, who was he? Perhaps the more pertinent question is what was he to me? Rohan, was a culmination of prayers, for three years of trying, as all newly weds struggling with conception know how that feels. As if his arrival opened new doors for me, my job at MTA got permanent(after two years of volunteer work)a month after he was born. I remember vividly the moment he was handed over to me that small cuckoon wrapped in soft blue cloth and small baby clothes which his mother had spent weeks preparing. There is nothing like holding your child for the first time, everything about that moment gets etched in your memory forever, the tiny hands and feet, your afraid that you might drop the baby and then the fragrance of Johnson's baby powder. Those small movements the

The worst part is falling and realising that the pedestal one puts one's self on is way higher than it should be. Blind emotion cannot be trusted, action based on emotions lead to disregard of boundaries. Which itself is proof enough of its wrongfulness. It's better to stop when one realises that the path one has taken is the wrong one... Admitting mistakes takes courage but is fruitful, but what off those who got trod upon? Asking forgiveness takes more than courage, it takes character... So much can happen in so little time, the frenzy the adrenaline rush, the high is enough to blind one's self from the obvious.  The choice here is simple, either one applies what is taught to him all his life regarding morality, the difference between right and wrong or when the real test of character comes one just ignores everything and indulges. People give all kinds of reasons for why they choose the wrong path, knowing what it is. It fascinates me that when it c

I hear the argument again and again that Pakistan has no alternative but Imran Khan, he is our last resort. Even so called intellectuals can be found repeating the sentiment. They say, when the intellectuals of a nation abandon principals nothing but chaos and anarchy becomes its fate. There are alternatives if one is looking to avoid total disintegration of every system that is in place, there are alternatives. There always are. 
Instead of rhetoric lets just consider a few facts. Fact is that the current Government along with the previous ones have failed to alleviate the problems of the general public. If you listen to Imran Khan's speech repeated every night for more than a month, the picture he paints of the Pakistani condition is almost accurate. 
Every successful political movement in history started when the masses arose, it is also true that almost every popular revolution was then hijacked by fascists, dictators and were moved away from their true purpose and the pe

Strong as I appeared You were there to lift me up still You saw that I was loosing my mind You gave love of a different kind From a different corner u came Never saw you for real Never touched but could feel But I left so there would be no blame Amazing memories of a time spent Deciphering words for what they meant Distances kept for a reason  Mystic prayers in the midnight sent I see words written in anguish This pain u hold must vanquish For this was but a brief moment Becoming a memory to cherish But moments pass, time moves on So must life for it never stops Nothing stops Nothing lasts forever 

A day before Eid Pakistan gave us a gift, the gift of burning our houses and killing 2 young children, an unborn child and an elderly lady. The gift of celebrating & dancing in the streets on the deaths of our loved ones, the gift of indifference of the Pakistani media & the people, the gift of going to our mosques to pray, under the shadows of guns. This Eid when I woke up to get ready I was in a somber mood, the news of the babies killed by Pakistan last night, the images fresh in my mind, I knew I wasn't going to the Aqsa mosque (the central mosque) where there would be thousands of people and the sweet smell of perfume would make the cool morning air even fresher, all that seems like a distant memory now and a younger generation is already here that hasn't seen an Eid like that ever. No Those days are gone now. When we used to go to our mosques (places of worship) without the shadows of guns. I was going to the mosque just a few houses away from my house due

After witnessing the horrors of what's happening in Gaza, the sentiment I hear over and over again from the youth of Pakistan is that we need another Hitler. I felt really disturbed by this cause it shows the total disconnect our youth and society has from the ideas and concepts of true Islam, which is peace for all. Which can clearly be seen in full demonstration at the time of Fatah Makkah, when all were pardoned regardless of their crimes. We hear the word "Holocaust" used over & over again, sometimes to play the politics of victimization by the aggressor, but regardless that does not diminish the pain, the horror of death and brutality & utter inhumaneness of the actions.  It also does not justify doing the same to others. But to rationalize murder and hatred to cover up our own inadequacy in dealing with our enemies  is cowardice to the highest degree.  I don't care about the details of whether it happened or not or if the accounts were exagge

Image after image trickles down my Facebook and twitter. Images of children in pain, parents mourning, unmeasurable suffering. Images intermingled with the routine triviality. Some lament the atrocities and on the same page post the mundane. The outrage, just like anything else, worthless. The hypocrisy rampant and selective. Some atrocity becomes deserved while an other, genocide. I lay awake at night sleepless, that image of a child with severed limbs stuck in my mind. I see the news, wishing someone of power in the world would stand up for the oppressed, wishing someone with authority would put a stop to genocide, wishing humans would not just ignore the tears of a child who lost both parents and wept himself to sleep, Alas! nothing. Some days pass, outrage fades away, till the next outrage, the next killing, the next child burned to death. No remorse, as if humanity never existed, those who suffered become the executioners. The cycle continues. All of this becaus

Soothing that's what you are More than anything I ever wished Loving me for what I am  Seeing things others had missed You wrap your love around me Like the vine encircles, kissed You are my prayers answered A soul meant to be cherished For you're beautiful in more ways Than I could ever had depicted All that I am, yours completely Past pain, remembrance evicted 

(A translation of مئ  ماہِ وفا by @khaksaar75   click here to read the original post ) Today another Ahmadi achieved martyrdom. Rekindling the memories of another month of may in my mind. They not only were pure hearted but were sculpted from the finest soil; and had come to worship their Lord in all tidiness This was 28 May 2010 a Friday when two of our mosques were attacked by terrorists and nearly 100 of our beloved souls were martyred. I requested to volunteer for the night, my duty was to present water to conveys coming to Rabwah, that had families of the martyrs.I stayed awake all night crying and thinking how would I be able to comfort orphans and widows. When I left the house in the morning the whole city was in mourning, empty roads, closed shops not even an auto rickshaw. It felt as if there was a funeral at every house. When I reached Awan-e-Mehmood, I was confronted with unforgettable sights. The convoys had already started reaching since last night. Holding wat

I represent the common man. Lot has been said about the recent events by those who claim to represent the sensibilities of the common man, but these analysis feel quiet biased and sometimes outright lunacy specially when some are clearly trying to advance their own agendas thus ending up being the laughing stock of all those who witness & can see beyond the farce. The problem is the society's tendency to accept whatever is presented as true, if the voice is louder than the rest and the facts & claims presented are absurdly outlandish. All that's needed is a little spoon feeding a throat that can yell as hard as it can and an audience conditioned to obey. The more absurd and provocative the claims the more credible the presenter and the channels become. No one has the time or the inclination to verify or refute the claims & it just becomes entertainment, real issue become distorted and trivialised while pathetic non issues get primetime. The masses are k

Looking for saviours but never looking within ... The worst Pakistani problem is not poverty it's the lack of education. A good education not only gives the opportunity of growth but also a good teacher can nurture morality a clear line between right and wrong. Parents worried about the conduct of children should evaluate their own, no lecture on morality is effective if rules dont apply universally.  This generation has unprecedented access to means for corruption of character via interaction, ease of anonymity & abundance of decadence. Decay of moral values has corrupted & blurred the perception of acceptable social conduct destroying families & relationships. Any conduct which requires anonymity or makes you hide something from those who trust you has the potential to destroy your life. The power to stop what's wrong in your life and in your actions  is always there, Always ... Even if one is buried deep, if you know its wrong, you can stop, you must

Trying to fix something that cannot be fixed is a mistake that leads to running in circles of hopeless, endless pain. Although hard to see at the time there is always a simple solution. Whatever the reasons one has, to endure torment become meaningless when examined through the lens of time. Life, a series of moves and countermoves with destiny, fate and blind chance weaving the tapestry. We make the mistake of assuming anything to be permanent, it is as permanent as we make it our selves, even pain. To endure cruelty at the hands of another in the name of any emotion is in fact cruelly to one's self. The realities we don't want to confront make us hide, to seek refuge in temporary shelters but we forget that these shelters have no foundation and they crumble at the weakest vibration. We devise clever ways to bend reason to justify the existence of those shelters and hide their existence but in reality no truth ever needs to be hidden and if it does then whatever the reas

Being a parent is a constant learning experience. The happiness and joy one feels when one does become a parent is unlike anything else. So is the despair of losing a child. There are natural calamities that one cannot help avoid like sickness or other natural causes and one feels helpless and perhaps comforted too that there is nothing else one could do. But there are situations and circumstances which however are totally under our control.  Rules are made for a reason, they help save lives. I am particularly talking about basic rules of road safety. Simple things we normally don't pay any attention to can save lives or perhaps save from potential injury.  For example when your walking on the open road with your child it only takes a moment to keep the child away from the road with you in between. Just a simple step. Or teaching your child how to cross a road properly and specially be more careful when on blind turns etc or perhaps simply holding his hand. Kids don't

There is a silent surrender going on. The demise of humanity, the death of the very soul. Who did it and how it happened is irrelevant now, it has become a matter of survival. The thinking man has bought his life in exchange for silence. Those who teach, teach hatred, those who preach, preach death. No boundaries, no limits, murder of innocence, a mother of 60, a beloved son, a passionate teacher, just statistics. Destroyed lives, broken families, the innocence robbed from a child's eyes replaced with fear. Greed rules empty lifeless hearts which cannot feel, all consumed with wants and desires, the lust for power, the destruction of faith. Words like love, loyalty & sacrifice long forgotten. Such barbarity, such cruelty, sermons of hatred, and those making them on pedestals of highest order. They ride on the shoulders of mindless drones conditioned to never question, to look the other way when they hear screams. For there is safety in burying your head in

Coming to terms with the new realities of life is never easy. For those who need closure and can't get it, this road becomes even more treacherous. For those looking for solace from words it becomes apparent that words can can only at best be a temporary respite. For true peace of mind can only come from within, from the realisation that this life is just a mere illusion of permanence and nothing lasts for ever. The only truth eternal is death. Those who seek meaning find it in the smallest details and those who love the ignorance cannot see even if the truth stands affront. Like most of us I was a believer but had no actual experience of the existence of the almighty and wanted something that would bring everything into focus, that realisation came last year. I have never felt despair like I felt When I was at Sharjah bus terminal where I got the news of the accident of my wife & children back home, for some time I was just numb, didn't know what to do, where

Standing at the precipice The light of dawn beckons You are my prayers A proof that God listens As we start this journey Hope of future that glistens Prayers for a life of happiness Prayers of peaceful visions I give my self to you Wholeheartedly without divisions You are the dawn I waited for Promises of everlasting affection

This was How I choose to remember you. Goodbye.

You ask so many questions You know the answers Why can't u see Seeing you in pain  this too is hurting me You said you would understand  You made no demand As I take my hand Look closer It's bleeding too Life's bitter truth  Nothing lasts forever  Let go which holds you back Hold on to what you cherish For memories are what remain As long as the soul lives As long as the breath lasts

In life's journey  We shared many a meal We laughed we talked prayed the wound would heal We shared the pain we had Moments of happiness we could steal As my destination grows near I must say goodbye I fear Never to see u again  But never say I don't feel you pain  All the happiness may find you All the blessings may bind you May you feel His presence  May Allah be your essence  May he take all your fears away May you have peace let the pain decay  In my prayers you'll always be Your tears none may see In my heart there will always be A prayer, a glimmering memory

Once I believed in absolutes. Absolute justice, absolute values, absolute devotion and absolute loyalty. Looking back I cant help but laugh at my naivety. I realise now that the flawed nature of human condition, which has proven to be the case again and again, makes it impossible to expect conduct which is devoid of a hidden agenda. It's hard not being judgmental when the people around your existence, the ones you trust the most, are the ones who break it. The inner circle of your friends and family and your loved ones are the people you trust without a doubt and because of this the hurt caused by the betrayal is amplified.  Once a person is marred by some sort of betrayal or deception he becomes vary of trusting new people and perhaps rightly so.  I am talking here about the time when emotional trauma of any kind has already happened and one is faced with the task of getting hold of the shattered pieces of ones self.  The question that why didn't the one confront t