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Untouchable

I know what this pain is  why it hurts when I close my eyes I know why the heart aches  I know why it burns when I try to remember 
For these are the tears that never came out  For I kept waiting for someone to cry with Searching for a shoulder to cry on
For I loved her like a mother  didn't even let me see her face How loathsome you are  For humanity a disgrace 
Pity thy soul for it knows love not  Pity thy life for it is all a loss
May she rest in peace  For she sacrificed everything for you May she be with loved ones Far better than all of you
A few days ago one of my very close non Ahmadi relatives passed away when we went there we were treated like untouchables, It's surreal to be treated as outcasts or achoot in a house u grew up in, by those who don't even belong there... What's more hurtful is the silence and subtle distancing of those very close to you to appease others ... 
I have never felt hatred from others like that but only from these people before as well...  They told u…

Wars Within & Outside

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I usually stay away from the news and thats by design cause every time there is a new atrocity, my mind starts reeling, I come face to face with the same dilemma again & again, if you speak up no one listens, yet can't stay quiet as well, too much bloodshed all around, the soul slowly becomes numb, while the killing & bloodshed in the name of every possible deity continues, on to the next atrocity & the next.
Outrage expressed in the form of words on a computer screen, What does it achieve... Nothing. Murderers keep roaming free. No one can/will stop them, for everyone has vested interests. Those who need to hear those words, never will & those who read them, choose to ignore.
Truth. It doesn't phase anyone anymore, We see images of unimaginable human suffering due to the cruelty of other humans, we are content with sharing those images with others on social media, a few comments here and there and on to the next post, all that human suffering reduced to an em…

Some harsh realities

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We often cherish some moments, events that happened in our lives, but we rarely take a step back and take a deeper look at the intentions and motivation behind our actions, we never put ourselves through the scrutiny, we put others in. We never take a moment to reflect on our own actions to see if they were right or wrong. 
There is always a line that must not be crossed, either it being a line of moral values or edicts by religious dogma, whatever it is, society respects those boundaries for a reason, that these boundaries enable individuals to maintain civility & morality. 
For those of us who adhere to religious values, its paramount that we scrutinise our selves, that our actions are in tune with the teachings of Quran & Sunna, that our motivations are guided by the need to please our creator and not by the whims and wishes of the self. Decisions that are solely to appease the self & its petty desires often result in mistakes & misbehaviour, becoming regrets, that…

کچھ تلخ باتیں

ہم بعض واقعات اور لمحات کو سینے سے لگا کر تو رکھتے ہیں مگر یہ نہیں سوچتے کہ آیا وہ فیصلے اور ترجیحات درست بھی تھیں کہ نہیں؟ ۔ کہ کہیں اپنے سکون اور خواہش کی تسکین کے لئے خدا تعالیٰ کی بنائی حدیں پار تو نہیں کیں؟ وہ خواہش یا ارادہ کیسے صحیح ہو سکتا ہے جسکی تکمیل کے لئے خدا کی بنائی حدوں کو توڑنا پڑے۔ وہ فیصلے کیسے درست ہوسکتے ہیں جن کی بنیاد خدا کی رضا کے بجائے نفس کی خواہشات ہوں۔یہاں سوال اس بات کا نہیں کہ ان لمحات کے احساسات کیا تھے بلکہ یہ ہے کہ اعمال درست تھے یا غلط۔

کبھی کبھار واپس مڑ کر دیکھنا بھی اچھا ہوتاہے، تاکہ تزکیہ نفس ہوسکے۔ لیکن اسکے لئے ضروری ہے کہ کم از کم یہ احساس تو ہو کہ غلطی تھی۔ ہم لوگ دوسروں کو اور ترازو سے تولتے ہیں اور اپنے لئے ہمارے معیار کچھ اور ہوتے ہیں ۔ اوروں کو تو شاید ہم ان غلطیوں کے لئے جو ہم نے خود بھی کی، کبھی معاف نہیں کرتے۔

کیوں لوگ اپنے تعلقات سے خوش نظر نہیں آتے۔ کیوں اِدھر ادھر سکون ڈھونڈتے پھرتے ہیں لیکن گھروں میں سکون تلاش نہیں کرتے؟ بنیاد ہے نفس اور اسکی خواہشات۔ جب انسان اپنی زندگی کو خدا کی رضا کے بجائے خواہشات کے طابع کریں گے تو یہی ہوگا۔ ا…

My Mother - Amtul Hafeez Begum

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September 11 2000 is the day my mother passed away after fighting cancer for 4 years. I have never known anyone more gentle & kind than her. I have seen her in pain, but never once did I see her complain. Her patience was remarkable. Now that I'm older and understand certain things, I see that there aren’t many people like her in this world.
My brother Tanweer Sabir from UK recalls his memories, Ami, as he used to call her with effection, writes, "I have known her for her gentleness and kindness for her family and also for others. A very very brave women she was indeed. The way she fought cancer till the depart, with strong will and faith in Alllah. She knew all along what was going to happen, always encouraged her children to pray for her. I remember her, always smiling and prayers on her lips for us. I deeply miss those prayers, kindness and affection." 
She helped so many without hurting their dignity, would send them money via me or herself and always advised me n…

Thoughts on why Mullas hate Ahamdis so much

#ahmadiyyat #islamahmadiyyat #persecution #pakistan 
The really twisted thing is that they (mainstream muslims) want everything that Jamaat Ahmadiyya offers in terms of uniting the Umaah but still won't accept Ahmadiyyat. 
The mullah doesn't let them do it cause doing that means that they will have to leave their monopoly on everything religious.
The mullah don't let the common man learn Islam for themselves cause that way the mullah holds power over every aspect of their daily lives. Let's take a child's birth as an example. The parents will wait hours for a mullah to come and give a simple Azaan cause they don't know how.
This arrangement suits the individual as well, cause do whatever u want and the mullah will take care of forgiveness is an easy deal isn't it?
Jamaat Ahmadiyya teaches to have a strong connection with Allah under the leadership of one Imaam the Caliph. Emphasis is on learning & bettering ones self. 
Mullah on the other hand discourag…

Frailty

For he talks in riddles but easy to decipher
pointless banter, vices of the pretentious
tis the arrogance that saddens the heart for nothing makes it completely go dark
witnessed the depth of cruel deception from those apparent bastions for faith

horrid faces unsightly, forgetting humility
becoming fodder for fire inside and out
partake mere indulgence of power
for it corrupts the soul form within

the devil whispers praise in thy ears
making one forget the dust in the end

for what is man but not dust encompassed
briefly held in the boundaries of time

he who sees himself above others, forgets
for man has one constant, looming frailty

words echo forever even if the soul dies
pride gets buried in the dust with the rest


Observation

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People use others insecurities to manipulate them and they don't even realise that there being used... and seems like age has nothing to do with wisdom...  Once entrapped by vanity, ego or insecurities
I've often wondered what makes people do the things they do and always found petty reasons behind their actions.
Beware of such people they are very skilful at finding the vices of the ego of others and using them to their advantage.  They attach themselves like a parasite sucking the blood of the host while giving the illusion of nurturing.
The power of these people relies on your trust and their tell is that they isolate you from the rest of the world and fuel your paranoia that everyone is against you and only they are your true well wishers.
True friends tell you the bitter truths and never try to isolate you. Deceivers try to isolate you for only then they can keep feeding you their lies and using you.  Once you stop talking to others and weighing in their input the circle…

Rohan - Part 2

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29th May 2013 the last day I saw my son alive. We had traveled all night and my flight was at 9am. We stayed at a place for freshening up in the morning just outside of Islamabad, it was a cool breeze and Rohan & Rohail were running around, it was a hilly place all green, a mosque. 
It was the last time I saw him smiling, that moment his innocence, the laughter with his brother, thats how things should be.

A playstation thats all he wanted, and thats what I promised I would send him, he had started counting the months even before I left. A year later when Rohail got his console I kept thinking how happy Rohan would have been if he had gotten it.
As we started again, he became sad, he did not want me to leave, he was on the back seat, how I wish I could have spent more time with him, when we reached the airport we were running a few mins late so I quickly hugged everyone Goodbye, how I wish I could have hugged him a little longer. That was the last time I touched him.
After the boa…

Gratitude

On 5th April 2015 with the grace of Allah I was blessed with a daughter, Aaniya Ahmad. I find no words adequate to describe my gratitude, this is just a humble attempt.

O Allah the almighty the all knowing ever the merciful Giving without asking boundless and plentiful 
Showing graces for a mote of dust the most sinful No words can ever capture thy magnificence beautiful 
For I am nothing without thy grace Lord of all worlds For your blessings have given me a gift so wonderful
When I had thought all was lost and happiness forsaken Tis you o Lord who has made all anew, life meaningful  
Weak words of gratitude I submit a humble supplication praise for Allah the magnificent from one deeply grateful


Leonard Nimoy and Me

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To tell the truth I am more of a ST-TNG fan than the original series and thats because my introduction to Star Trek came in the form of TNG in the late 80s on Pakistan Television. I was 11 and was blown away, spent hours on an imaginary space ship of my own, giving orders and defeating threats. The desktop of my school desk was littered with the designs of my imaginary touch screens.
Only when satellite tv came to us in the mid 90s I got a taste of the original series which seemed weird and wacky to me, but in it there was a voice, a voice of reason and logic which appealed to me and thats when I fell in love with a tv character called Spock.
As I grew up and went through various re runs and books related to Star Trek I began to understand the appeal of an utopian society where logic and science ruled, where there was no poverty for the most part, where there was no need for money and everyone was free to pursue their dreams, most of these books were written by Leonard Nimoy.
Thats th…

Outcasts - The Ahmadis of Pakistan

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As I was growing up in Pakistan I never really thought of myself as a minority until the bitter reality hit me in the late 80s that everything I was, was wrong to someone. Even though I never did anything to that someone, I didn't even know that someone.
A generation that has grown belonging to my faith has known nothing but hatred from their fellow Pakistanis, Ahmadis living in big cities face discrimination as routinely as an ordinary Pakistani does load shedding. As if firing from jobs, shunning from businesses, students being rusticated and separation of water glasses were a birth right, every facet of society takes its share in discrimination, in dehumanising, in rampant disregard of common human decency. 
Someone told me how her family was evicted from the house they were renting because they were found out as an Ahmadi & the landlord although acknowledging the fact that they were model tenants had to do it. I noticed that when she was speaking whenever she used the word…