Uncomfortably Numb

Stop now. don't go any further. you know what's behind the closed door. don't open it. the door you shut your self. aching and longing on this side. what's lost, what you never had on the other. I cant drown the voices in my head while drowning in the memories. Memories of a face never seen for real, memories of laughter, memories of embraces never actually had. Memories of crying on a shoulder that was there but not. years have gone but ache remains. longing remains...  here I stand cut off. Even if it was an invisible thread it was a life line... a semblance of some unknown connection..  I descend into despair all too familiar, its the darkness I hold at bay within and every so often it comes to the surface and I cant breath. I cant call out... I cant see... I cant say...  Oh Lord hear me... ease this suffering... 

Wanting something That you can never have Why do we keep running In circles What is hiding inside Can never come out What is outside Fake Emptyness Despair Feeling worthless Ache These are the Impossible ways That have no meaning One's self deceiving There are no doors No paths to flee trapped inside Memories 

This summer is the hottest as long as I can remember but tempers run even higher. We see divides being enforced, our biases being re-enforced. I don't want to waste time on arguing on who is wrong or who is right. There are endless arguments & counter arguments and no one is listening to each other. In my opinion, they are all liars (the politicians, the religious gate keepers and anyone who sells faith or hope) and we blindly follow, happy in our preferred echo chambers, but the question which I want to ask is, Is it worth it? Have we learned nothing from history? From logic from knowing how things work? All I know is that, whoever sells hatred is at the wrong side of history. If we try to look at things objectively we find the real cost of it all, the loss of humanity and civility, the very things that separate us from animals. We act like mindless zombies on both sides of the narrative never asking, who does this narrative actually benefit. We argue among ourselves, with our

While I was working nearby my wife was on the phone with her mother and the topic was the Minar e Pakistan incident.  The sheer outrage and fear in that conversation hit me hard and is perhaps what's on the minds of every thinking human being left in Pakistan.  No amount of analyzing can hide the fact that this is it, these times we live in are the rock bottom we all feared we were headed towards, there is no more going down from here. No amount of sugar coating can hide the fact that this is a nation of worst creatures ever to roam the earth, I find no words that can actually describe the depravity of soul and the loss of the very last shreds of human decency, this mob is an insult to the word humanity. What a loss, what a shame, to those who still believe these incidents to be isolated, how mistaken you are!  When will you realize that this is the reality of this country. These people are the majority, the mob is the law. There is no enlightened silent majority that will wake up

Don't read this, it maybe gibberish to you but its the state Im in. I feel like all that's bottled up in me needs an outlet. I write poems without context but I don't want to give context either. Its like part of me wants to tell the world my story and a part of me just wants to forget.  I look around and the superficiality is painful. I see mockups of what real people used to be. I see relics of what once was exciting. Sometimes I want to scream at the top of my lungs and name names of those who wronged me, who stood there and did nothing when they could have stopped what was right in front of them.  But they took sides, I don't want to see their faces anymore but I can't escape, stuck here in this prison, this black hole. This  city just sucks the life out of you.  But thats just one stream of thought that haunts my mind, there are others, a blend of disgust and indignant resignation.  People running ... just running towards what they can get, possessions... or st

The reality of living in this world, a conflict between the needs and wishes deeply anchored in the class divide. I see mediocrity so permanently imbued in the collective psyche.  Sometimes all one can do is to give in to the mundane, stop living & just exist. Finding someone to have an offbeat, real meaningful conversation, an impossibility. I sought refuge in the social media for some time, but that too has become stale, tedious. A habit without any emotional reward. The interaction, all but reduced to regurgitation of bent opinions and trumpeting of political agenda or some religious doctrine, manipulation. No one questions anymore, no one has time to think for himself and arrive on conclusions, perhaps wrong but his own. This place has no respite, no open space to just sit and ponder. One wonders is it by design? The whole system built on repression, on exploitation, the divide, easily seen. Yet the rituals of allegiance continue, conditioning the masses not to question. A

We often cherish some moments, events that happened in our lives, but we rarely take a step back and take a deeper look at the intentions and motivation behind our actions, we never put ourselves through the scrutiny, we put others in. We never take a moment to reflect on our own actions to see if they were right or wrong.  There is always a line that must not be crossed, either it being a line of moral values or edicts by religious dogma, whatever it is, society respects those boundaries for a reason, that these boundaries enable individuals to maintain civility & morality.  For those of us who adhere to religious values, its paramount that we scrutinise our selves, that our actions are in tune with the teachings of Quran & Sunna, that our motivations are guided by the need to please our creator and not by the whims and wishes of the self. Decisions that are solely to appease the self & its petty desires often result in mistakes & misbehaviour, becoming r

The worst part is falling and realising that the pedestal one puts one's self on is way higher than it should be. Blind emotion cannot be trusted, action based on emotions lead to disregard of boundaries. Which itself is proof enough of its wrongfulness. It's better to stop when one realises that the path one has taken is the wrong one... Admitting mistakes takes courage but is fruitful, but what off those who got trod upon? Asking forgiveness takes more than courage, it takes character... So much can happen in so little time, the frenzy the adrenaline rush, the high is enough to blind one's self from the obvious.  The choice here is simple, either one applies what is taught to him all his life regarding morality, the difference between right and wrong or when the real test of character comes one just ignores everything and indulges. People give all kinds of reasons for why they choose the wrong path, knowing what it is. It fascinates me that when it c

A day before Eid Pakistan gave us a gift, the gift of burning our houses and killing 2 young children, an unborn child and an elderly lady. The gift of celebrating & dancing in the streets on the deaths of our loved ones, the gift of indifference of the Pakistani media & the people, the gift of going to our mosques to pray, under the shadows of guns. This Eid when I woke up to get ready I was in a somber mood, the news of the babies killed by Pakistan last night, the images fresh in my mind, I knew I wasn't going to the Aqsa mosque (the central mosque) where there would be thousands of people and the sweet smell of perfume would make the cool morning air even fresher, all that seems like a distant memory now and a younger generation is already here that hasn't seen an Eid like that ever. No Those days are gone now. When we used to go to our mosques (places of worship) without the shadows of guns. I was going to the mosque just a few houses away from my house due

After witnessing the horrors of what's happening in Gaza, the sentiment I hear over and over again from the youth of Pakistan is that we need another Hitler. I felt really disturbed by this cause it shows the total disconnect our youth and society has from the ideas and concepts of true Islam, which is peace for all. Which can clearly be seen in full demonstration at the time of Fatah Makkah, when all were pardoned regardless of their crimes. We hear the word "Holocaust" used over & over again, sometimes to play the politics of victimization by the aggressor, but regardless that does not diminish the pain, the horror of death and brutality & utter inhumaneness of the actions.  It also does not justify doing the same to others. But to rationalize murder and hatred to cover up our own inadequacy in dealing with our enemies  is cowardice to the highest degree.  I don't care about the details of whether it happened or not or if the accounts were exagge

Being a parent is a constant learning experience. The happiness and joy one feels when one does become a parent is unlike anything else. So is the despair of losing a child. There are natural calamities that one cannot help avoid like sickness or other natural causes and one feels helpless and perhaps comforted too that there is nothing else one could do. But there are situations and circumstances which however are totally under our control.  Rules are made for a reason, they help save lives. I am particularly talking about basic rules of road safety. Simple things we normally don't pay any attention to can save lives or perhaps save from potential injury.  For example when your walking on the open road with your child it only takes a moment to keep the child away from the road with you in between. Just a simple step. Or teaching your child how to cross a road properly and specially be more careful when on blind turns etc or perhaps simply holding his hand. Kids don't