Uncomfortably Numb

 وہ کہتے ہیں دل کی دھڑکن  کو نکالو اور پھینک دو وہ کہتے ہیں یہ سامان کسی کام کا نہیں جو تم ساتھ ساتھ لئے پھرتے ہو جسکی حفاظت تم نے فرض سمجھی وہ اب اک ویرانہ ہے وہاں کچھ بھی باقی نہیں رہا اسے چھوڑ دو اسے پھینک دو میں کہتا ہوں تم نے کبھی محبت کی بھی ہے؟ یا شاید تم سےمحبت کی نہیں گئی اگر یہ احساس کبھی ملا ہوتا تو تمہارے لفظ کبھی  اتنے زہریلے نہ ہو پاتے تم دنیا کے پوجنے والے اِک ٹوٹے کیواڑ کا مول کیا جانے جو کبھی ایک ماں کے آنگن کا  پتہ دیتا تھا تم خودپرست لذتوں کے مارے اِک پرانےصندوق کا مول کیا جانے جس میں ماضی کے نہ جانے کتنے  سنہری لمحے  بند پڑے ہیں جس میں سے اب بھی َََِاِک باپ کی خوشبو آتی ہے ان پر ترس آتا ہے  جنہیں کبھی وہ محبت نصیب نہ تھی جو وجود کا حصہ بن جائے  لمحہ لمحہ ہر نصیحت بن کریاد آئے تو ہاں میں ضرور پھینک دوں گا ان سب کو اپنی زندگی سے باہر جنہیں میرے وجود  اور اسکی یادوں سے کوئی  سروکار نہیں

Emptiness—that's what I feel,  Emptiness all around me. Eyes blind, nothing left to see, I thought I was meant to be free. Prisons of the mind now travel, Across the sands and distant seas.  Hidden darkness from within, Clouds the sun in all its glory. Welcome back to misery, Your default way to be. Relish the aching heart, Savour the agony’s reverie.

So here we are Never thought we'd travel so far Leaving behind fears and scars Nothing looks far even stars Lessons learned along the way  Should be here to stay These wayward pines of grey Left behind mounds of clay Can see the horizon afar Keep moving with the stars  With new hope just realise New beginnings let's arise A glimmer of shine A semblance of peace  A beckoning of laughter  On the other side

Don't know what I am feeling Am I missing someone Maybe still mourning Or just reeling If I mourn what is it I'm not numb anymore Is it carnage  Or is the just existence Words fail me Heart aches constantly What is it that I don't see What's eating me with glee I stand but it takes effort of thousand years For a moment of laughter I fight many fears When I compare  With what happens all around My sorrows seem shallow Much more pain abound Helpless to lend a hand I do all I can Not enough  I understand Sometimes I cry While just talking  My heart breaks I cant bare watching endless suffering faces frozen in time Never again will smile O sweet sweet child Hard to fathom 100 days of darkness All lies exposed When humanity died

Going back the years U nlocked many fears Even had some cheers While wiping off tears What I've learned I've come here to share Pride is the worst  That you must clear  We are just specs of dust Floating in the sea of time At the mercy of the divine Why then this is yours, mine Whats left behind are deeds Just like planting seeds of love or what hatred breeds Leave behind a better creed

You talk about depth As if you've seen the ocean My ocean You say the word abyss As if you have tasted despair My Despair You ache with pain As if you've seen whats inside My heart But you never stay As if that is what you fear My love How can you say As if you understand My life

I give up I'm tired of fighting the odds I'm tired of hoping I'm tired of constant defeat Why fight  if you're going to loose anyway Drifting like a speck of dust we are Useless afloat Devoid of any purpose Meaningless Existing cause we can I'm sick of trying  When the game is rigged What if I just stopped playing What if I just cease to exist No wrinkle on anyones brow I'm sure I want to scream till my lungs explode And with those vibrations this Body turns to dust  Perhaps then this solitary will end Don't pretend to ask I know you don't care really You relish someone else's suffering Makes you feel good about yourself Let me be stuck  In this black hole Where life is sucked out of you With every breath I'm tired  I'm Broken

 میں تم سے ناراض ہوں اور کچھ کہنے کو رہا ہی نہیں اور کچھ رونے کو بچا کیا ہے اور یہ بھی بے وجہ ہے یہ تو میں جو لکھتا رہا تم نے تو پھاڑا ہر صفحہ ہے ہر یاد جو اب بیکار ہے تم پر میرا ادھار ہے میں نے مانا میری بھی خطا ہے پر یہ کیسی مستقل سزا ہے  تم تب بھی بے رحم   تم اب بھی بے خبر بے جان   نہ تب سنا نہ اب سن سکو گے   یہی تو نوحہ میرا ہے

Words are so useless Words don't hide the pain There are those we blame Even dont let them explain Here we go again, again Riding in circles, again Truth hiding in sights plain Just a bunch of lies remain All the secrets hidden away Heart longs the unexplained a secret when written For anyone to obtain In the depth of despair It's the inside that rains I am at end of my tether The end beckons I'm game

Wanting something That you can never have Why do we keep running In circles What is hiding inside Can never come out What is outside Fake Emptyness Despair Feeling worthless Ache These are the Impossible ways That have no meaning One's self deceiving There are no doors No paths to flee trapped inside Memories 

 تم اگر باوفا ہوتے تو کم از کم تمہارے جانے کا  ماتم تو کرپاتا تم اگر باوفا ہوتے تو شاید زندگی تمہارے ساتھ ہی  ختم ہو جاتی تم اگر باوفا ہوتے تو تمہاری ہر یاد داغدار نہ بن جاتی ہر بات سوال نہ بن جاتی تم اگر باوفا ہوتے تو شاید ہر حسین یاد حسین رہتی لیکن تم نے تو میرے کئی قتل کئے اورں کے لئیے  مسیحا بن بیٹھے ایسے چہرے تو نہ بدلتے اگر تم با وفاہوتے

A lot can happen in nine years sometimes shed less tears for its no use living in memories things now happen with ease Things that I wished I would see For you to grow up a tall tree I don't know what I have missed you never went away from my heart A lot can happen in nine years could have beens walk around me In your peers Sometimes I fear the memory is fading Becoming distant so I can't grasp it But then I realize you live within me A part of me how much I mask it You were my first one my bundle of joy The moment I looked at you so little like a toy Eyes so bright full of love my sweet little boy A lot could happen in nine years But the one thing that cannot happen Is that I will never stop missing you

What hides in plain sight riddles lie behind the eyes What you never saw above Underneath the shared skies What sorrows erupt as tears Some stay dormant as time flies words said become gashes Deeper sharper than knives Once upon a sad night No one heard my sighs You had left much earlier than the world choose to surmise The world makes some saints Bearing all quietly some reside That lost secret crafted so well As if there was nothing to hide what of my heart splintered words said with deluded pride Burning this way forever With no way to equalize

 

You said that I would remember I do for all the wrong reasons I feel the despair creeping in endless abyss I am sinking in almost wished to stop breathing every breath familiar aching something is pulling me down as if the weight is pushing I am falling I am falling I cannot stop I cannot breath you let me down and went away how can I forget & stop grieving how can I ask to your face now what did you get for deceiving emptiness left when love dies hearts in despair & silent cries what keeps me awake I am not sure I hate you or love you like before part of me wants you to suffer like all those sleepless nights part of me just wants to let go but how can I stop remembering with every memory tainted now this is what drags & kills me I write laments thats who I am no one will or can understand

Want to say the things that I used to but its not the same now for us two still the thought makes my heart race erase this trace the ache must embrace so here is the deal you must not feel cover you ears they still hear the voice you have to make the clear into the blur never let the world know that you miss her I write laments for its all that I know every kind of smile to them I show these closures are just on the surface aching heart underneath on the brew please go away take this pain with you leave me alone for I can't take it no more I plead to the thoughts that haunt me keep me locked in the dark for evermore Oh Dawn save me fill me with your light you say that we don't have that connection know that you are the one who saved me the one that deserves my affection

Bigger better faster stronger just wait a little longer to have what she lacks ignoring what she has on her Write what rhymes in these uneasy times they hide their crimes sweet talking warning signs Trust is there to be broken your beliefs are to be shaken vows of eternal faith taken a facade hiding the forsaken look into the distant past for the dreams that didn't last blames all around you cast look in the mirror for contrast

Waiting for whispers ignoring the echos holding on to sorrows projecting on tomorrows Healing heart takes time let go of what aches inside for this seedling to grow needs the blessed sunshine It is He who can heal takes the sorrows away fills it with content & joy like new born on that day Trust in Him and call watch the sorrows fall with open heart and faith accept his will and wait For the flowers to bloom they will, you will see and take you higher away from pain agony Just be patient my dear with faith and love when you believe in His love you will see the fogs clear These thought came to me while reading a conversation on twitter and the word "whisper" stuck in my mind.  Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back.  Plato.

Faded thoughts of days held dear jaded memories of those not near Changed have we for better or worse cant say the words perhaps a verse I will remember you I said once the only promise thats left of us Why cant time heal this scar was betting on that from afar Who is not wrong & who is right why cant the heart see the light Was it real just a mere fantasy that what heart wanted a fallacy Can one love that much to forget find places where walls can erect Broken rules come at a price Broken dreams Broken hearts Scars for life

R eflections left of the past selections that forever last Don't wanna be stuck here time to move on that is clear New horizons await elsewhere shed all the weight you bare For life is a stream of memories some left behind some held dear Regret worse than any poison killing silently from the inside Burdens of the past you carry make shoulders ache at night Time to shed all thats done for a new cycle has begun Learn, repent & apologize a life lesson for the wise