Emancipation of ME

I just want to know when will the cycle end ... is there any hope left ...I am stuck and cant get out it seems like there is no end to what i am going through. It was not like this in the begining ...
The begining was beautiful it was the dew on the soft morning flowers. It was like no other feeling that ever was. I wonder how things are lost so easily. How anything can change and one cant do a thing to stop it.
I know that time heals wounds ... but I dont want the wounds healed ...
I am not sure what I want anymore... nothing is that important anymore... its just a mare existance ... since I exist so I must go on... So I am told again and again ... where ever I go. Why ?
I wonder... how would it be if it were not a sin to .... end it all.
I wish there was someone ...
Sometimes I wonder what would I change in my life so that it would become meaningful and find no answer... it seems nothing is of any meaning to me anymore ...

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