Uncomfortably Numb

 میں تم سے ناراض ہوں اور کچھ کہنے کو رہا ہی نہیں اور کچھ رونے کو بچا کیا ہے اور یہ بھی بے وجہ ہے یہ تو میں جو لکھتا رہا تم نے تو پھاڑا ہر صفحہ ہے ہر یاد جو اب بیکار ہے تم پر میرا ادھار ہے میں نے مانا میری بھی خطا ہے پر یہ کیسی مستقل سزا ہے  تم تب بھی بے رحم   تم اب بھی بے خبر بے جان   نہ تب سنا نہ اب سن سکو گے   یہی تو نوحہ میرا ہے

Stop now. don't go any further. you know what's behind the closed door. don't open it. the door you shut your self. aching and longing on this side. what's lost, what you never had on the other. I cant drown the voices in my head while drowning in the memories. Memories of a face never seen for real, memories of laughter, memories of embraces never actually had. Memories of crying on a shoulder that was there but not. years have gone but ache remains. longing remains...  here I stand cut off. Even if it was an invisible thread it was a life line... a semblance of some unknown connection..  I descend into despair all too familiar, its the darkness I hold at bay within and every so often it comes to the surface and I cant breath. I cant call out... I cant see... I cant say...  Oh Lord hear me... ease this suffering... 

Well we've arrived. The place some dreaded for years, all those ignored warning signs and wake up calls later. We have become so numb that this hasn't even registered upon our brain dead comprehension. All that's left is to enjoy the perverse decay that now enriches our lives. You see there comes a times when you just can't help but laugh at the helplessness.  We relish the trivial like jelly biscuits and enjoy destroying each other's lives, washing each other's dirty linen for fun. We like to take selfies with dead corpses. We glorify murderers and agents of chaos & destruction.  I could go on and on listing everything that we have destroyed but whats the use now, there is no way out of this but a great reset, and nature takes care of that by itself. Hatred unleashed eventually consumes everything and the great circle starts again with nothing left of the previous. I mean we all see the relics of the past the Pyramids, the ruins of South America or else whe

This is my canvas where I paint with words, it was never intended to be a "text book". These are my thoughts and feelings, a way for me to process things, I have written countless words since forever, on excess, on superficiality on apparent contradictions in what we practice and what we preach. I genuinely believe that in this age our younger generation has lost the ability to do critical thinking. We revel on whats on the surface, our lives a mere projection for others to consume, nothing deep or meaningful, reduced to empty instagram posts in essence, mimicking the same done by others countless times before, we have lost the ability to recognize whats really important, our projection is more important to us than the inner peace that simplicity brings.  I know these conclusions come with time. Not my business to judge or impose my world view on anyone, thats not the reason of writing these words. I write because there is no other way for me to fathom the decay I see in mora

Words are so useless Words don't hide the pain There are those we blame Even dont let them explain Here we go again, again Riding in circles, again Truth hiding in sights plain Just a bunch of lies remain All the secrets hidden away Heart longs the unexplained a secret when written For anyone to obtain In the depth of despair It's the inside that rains I am at end of my tether The end beckons I'm game

There was a workshop near Faizabad Pindi it was my uncle's I would just hang around watching mechanics working on the cars and me working on that 386 computer, I used to love the place where they would do the wheel balancing cause it had stairs going underground... It felt mysterious.  Now that I think of it, this wasn't probably a good place for a child with all the machines and stuff... But I loved it... Specially the really really old cars that were there for ages and the smell of petrol mixed with different oils. My cousin used to throw bricks on one of them to show how strong the metal was... He would say ajkal to ghee ke dabay ke teen se bodies banatay hain, saath taik laga lo to chib par jata hay  They had a few foxys but the yellow one was my fav, it had that modified race car steering wheel... And man that sound system with the graphic eq uff... The sound in a foxy surrounds you due to the round shape of the roof... and since the engine is at the back anyway no engine

Wanting something That you can never have Why do we keep running In circles What is hiding inside Can never come out What is outside Fake Emptyness Despair Feeling worthless Ache These are the Impossible ways That have no meaning One's self deceiving There are no doors No paths to flee trapped inside Memories