All Pakistanis are Astronauts

When I was in the 8th grade there was an essay in our english book about Valentina Tereshkova the first woman in space and it detailed all of her hard and rigorous training which ranged from extreme pressure, noise to severe vibrations. Zero gravity training and also extreme heat and cold conditions.

Thats when it hit me while I was crammed in a rickshaw with 15 other kids on my way back from school that all Pakistanis can be Astronauts. Yes we fit the criteria of training perfectly.

Crammed in that rickshaw I was subjected to all kinds of extreme pressures, thats was one condition meet and then there were extreme vibrations due to the broken road mimicking the NASA training to the letter and since it was in July so serve hot conditions was also valid and when the Rickshaw would suddenly encounter an unexpected speed breaker we would all receive Zero Gravity simulation, take that Vomit Comet.  

For selecting astronauts NASA prefers Air force pilots but if Pakistan had a space program then there wouldn't be a shortage of entrants as well cause if you have ever traveled in a local van or a bus then you know the driver's seat is also referred to as a Pilot-Seat.

On the voyage of discovery (which can be from your office to your home) that bus driver is like a Captain of the space shuttle and the screaming with terror passengers, his astronauts in training, and he takes them through the winding roads with expert maneuvers which put NASA space station docking to shame.  Like all local busses Pakistani busses also have a conductor and he space walks across the floating trainee astronauts trying to cram as much people as physically possible.

We are even ready for long term space travel. For it envolves Big Boss style cramming of people in a tight place for a long time and for that purpose we have our Railway system. Dont believe me try going to Karachi to Peshawar and you'll know what I mean. Its a journey of epic proportions cause if the train manages to start moving there are countless reasons for it to stop moving not to the mention it takes great emotional stability to handle the vomiting children, the ultra smelling bathrooms which are open air so bio friendly and the Niswar puking Khan sahib, all are there to spice up the journey and add to the over all trainee experience. A friend of mine used to say the unique thing about traveling in Pakistan is that the stench changes its type every two feet.


Unknown said…
Ah, now that's saying something. You can't deny the over-fill of talent in Pakistan.
Cybegeek said…
talent yes... direction no, unfortunately things are going to get even worse.

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