The Things We Leave Behind

These days I’m finding it hard to write about anything. Sometimes I wonder is it because I’ve got nothing left to say or am I just being numb. People change and I think I’ve changed the most. All those posts on social media about nostalgia designed for engagement make me sad for a time that was much simpler but we didn’t know did we that it wont last.

Would I change anything... yeps lots. Then again as my sister says that everything one goes through in life is designed for your specific needs. In a sense the events of your life shape the eventual form of your spirit. 

Our family has been gone through losses lately. First my brother passed away and then just a few months later my brother in law also passed away. I think I knew my bother but my brother in law I only meet a few times, since he lived in Australia and me in Pakistan and all my endeavours to go to Australia failed. But people say good things about him and thats what matters isn’t it that you are remembered in good words. I wonder how would people remember me. I’ve thought about leaving messages or videos for my children. Maybe I will. One thing is for sure that I hope they always know that how deeply I am proud of them. 

Its the nature of things with losses come glad tidings as well, so far three new babies were born in our family in 2026 as well so there's that. (some months remain who knows lol) 

Ive been going through personal struggles all my life and these days are interesting to say the least. I don’t want to write whats its about but I always find it a bit pretentious and presumptuous to write about myself as if I know all the answers. I don’t. I have been reading though more than I ever did anyway. 

Maybe this is why I find people harder to understand these days. Not because people have changed, but because I have become more sensitive to the gap between what people show and what they are.

Now lets come to the real part. People. Since you got opinions about me well I have some too, I see most as energy vampires, trust me these are real and more common than you think. I might as go as far as saying that there are fewer normal people left in the world. I always wondered what makes people tick but never understood why belittling others can be such a source of joy for these people. 

People make assumptions about others and those just stick. How easy it is to label others while those your lens doesn’t focus on those who are far more disturbed and messed up. I see kids that are being trained to be selfish pricks by their parents. I see serious mental health issues being brewed but nope the only one focus of your wrath is the one who screams when teased.

I see people who think they can do no wrong while other’s achievements are mediocre to them while if you see their actions you see how petty and vile their inner world is. These people will talk shit about someone behind their backs and when they are present will even lick their boots if it could bring them some benefit.

Adding insult to injury is that these people are mostly those you are stuck with. God forbid if they achieve something, man then you’re in for it cause you will be reminded of that every other conversation. The fun part is that having cunning in your genes does get you more. On the other hand since appearance is all that matters to these people you will find conversations with them hollow and their worldview devoid of any depth. 

These people forget their origins and act as if they were born royalty oozing fake in their every word. Yes this is a rant, what else can I do but write what I think when I cant say this out loud. You know I don’t even do that anymore since what I write may somehow reach them and then there is more drama boohoo... (it happened before!)

I don’t want to end this here, it may seem that all I see is negativity which there is plenty of but the good I see, is not in the people I want to see it in, those who matter to me or rather should matter to me. See whenever I decide to just let go of it, they are the ones who remind me. I have fought with this feeling all my life, the feeling of never being taken for who I am, always being judged on someone else’s standards how mediocre they might be. I am sick of it.