Uncomfortably Numb

We often cherish some moments, events that happened in our lives, but we rarely take a step back and take a deeper look at the intentions and motivation behind our actions, we never put ourselves through the scrutiny, we put others in. We never take a moment to reflect on our own actions to see if they were right or wrong.  There is always a line that must not be crossed, either it being a line of moral values or edicts by religious dogma, whatever it is, society respects those boundaries for a reason, that these boundaries enable individuals to maintain civility & morality.  For those of us who adhere to religious values, its paramount that we scrutinise our selves, that our actions are in tune with the teachings of Quran & Sunna, that our motivations are guided by the need to please our creator and not by the whims and wishes of the self. Decisions that are solely to appease the self & its petty desires often result in mistakes & misbehaviour, becoming r

ہم بعض واقعات اور لمحات کو سینے سے لگا کر تو رکھتے ہیں مگر یہ نہیں سوچتے کہ آیا وہ فیصلے اور ترجیحات درست بھی تھیں کہ نہیں؟ ۔ کہ کہیں اپنے سکون اور خواہش کی تسکین کے لئے خدا تعالیٰ کی بنائی حدیں پار تو نہیں کیں؟ وہ خواہش یا ارادہ کیسے صحیح ہو سکتا ہے جسکی تکمیل کے لئے خدا کی بنائی حدوں کو توڑنا پڑے۔ وہ فیصلے کیسے درست ہوسکتے ہیں جن کی بنیاد خدا کی رضا کے بجائے نفس کی خواہشات ہوں۔یہاں سوال اس بات کا نہیں کہ ان لمحات کے احساسات کیا تھے بلکہ یہ ہے کہ اعمال درست تھے یا غلط۔ کبھی کبھار واپس مڑ کر دیکھنا بھی اچھا ہوتاہے، تاکہ تزکیہ نفس ہوسکے۔ لیکن اسکے لئے ضروری ہے کہ کم از کم یہ احساس تو ہو کہ غلطی تھی۔ ہم لوگ دوسروں کو اور ترازو سے تولتے ہیں اور اپنے لئے ہمارے معیار کچھ اور ہوتے ہیں ۔ اوروں کو تو شاید ہم ان غلطیوں کے لئے جو ہم نے خود بھی کی، کبھی معاف نہیں کرتے۔ کیوں لوگ اپنے تعلقات سے خوش نظر نہیں آتے۔ کیوں اِدھر ادھر سکون ڈھونڈتے پھرتے ہیں لیکن گھروں میں سکون تلاش نہیں کرتے؟ بنیاد ہے نفس اور اسکی خواہشات۔ جب انسان اپنی زندگی کو خدا کی رضا کے بجائے خواہشات کے طابع کریں گے تو یہی ہوگ

The worst part is falling and realising that the pedestal one puts one's self on is way higher than it should be. Blind emotion cannot be trusted, action based on emotions lead to disregard of boundaries. Which itself is proof enough of its wrongfulness. It's better to stop when one realises that the path one has taken is the wrong one... Admitting mistakes takes courage but is fruitful, but what off those who got trod upon? Asking forgiveness takes more than courage, it takes character... So much can happen in so little time, the frenzy the adrenaline rush, the high is enough to blind one's self from the obvious.  The choice here is simple, either one applies what is taught to him all his life regarding morality, the difference between right and wrong or when the real test of character comes one just ignores everything and indulges. People give all kinds of reasons for why they choose the wrong path, knowing what it is. It fascinates me that when it c

Coming to terms with the new realities of life is never easy. For those who need closure and can't get it, this road becomes even more treacherous. For those looking for solace from words it becomes apparent that words can can only at best be a temporary respite. For true peace of mind can only come from within, from the realisation that this life is just a mere illusion of permanence and nothing lasts for ever. The only truth eternal is death. Those who seek meaning find it in the smallest details and those who love the ignorance cannot see even if the truth stands affront. Like most of us I was a believer but had no actual experience of the existence of the almighty and wanted something that would bring everything into focus, that realisation came last year. I have never felt despair like I felt When I was at Sharjah bus terminal where I got the news of the accident of my wife & children back home, for some time I was just numb, didn't know what to do, where

Once I believed in absolutes. Absolute justice, absolute values, absolute devotion and absolute loyalty. Looking back I cant help but laugh at my naivety. I realise now that the flawed nature of human condition, which has proven to be the case again and again, makes it impossible to expect conduct which is devoid of a hidden agenda. It's hard not being judgmental when the people around your existence, the ones you trust the most, are the ones who break it. The inner circle of your friends and family and your loved ones are the people you trust without a doubt and because of this the hurt caused by the betrayal is amplified.  Once a person is marred by some sort of betrayal or deception he becomes vary of trusting new people and perhaps rightly so.  I am talking here about the time when emotional trauma of any kind has already happened and one is faced with the task of getting hold of the shattered pieces of ones self.  The question that why didn't the one confront t

Wish I could just vanish Silently without a whisper Into nothingness Without pain Without memories How I long for you Loving someone You can never hold Never look in the eyes Sweet perfume on you clothes Is fading..... so is my will You said no one dies with someone You were right... This is worse Wish I could just fade I can't bare your not being there