Uncomfortably Numb

We talk too much. We say too much and we even speak up our minds when we say that we are unable to speak. Sometimes  we say things without even uttering a single word and sometimes a speech with articulate words seems hollow...   What elevates words from being mere words to thoughts that touch others... emotions?   Its was nice to see that sombody did read what I was writing. I know that no one will ever fully comprehend cause I am not telling the full story. But thats the way I like it it makes it a mystery and the most importantly its the mystery of my life.   I guess I've had enough of life in my self satisfactory misery bubble. I want out now. The real world awaits. I'm ready to take the world on. Aaaah ! here I go again ... WORDS...   Lets suppose THIS time its all true ... Am I ready for what can await at the other end ?   Been looking for a helping hand all my life... Never did anything alone. I was scared. Maybe am still now. I ...

Stars at night seem to say to me you have lost your way. You have lost your dreams and you have lost your soul. You believe too much in destiny and not so much in yourself anymore. I look at ... its been long since I looked at ... talked to the star that was my friend in those cold lonely nights I even gave her a name. These days it feels like that I need her again.   She understood me, comforted me, she was there when I needed her. I confided in her and she listened never judged. Just listened. She took me in her arms and I would sleep.   How hard was that time for me ... now it seems that... it was nothing ...   I don't know when I became the pessimist I am.    I guess it happened when I abandoned her thinking I was complete now. But who is complete.            

Why do we keep making the mistakes again and again. Why do we keep living the same moments again and again. Its like we are addicted to our pain. Our emotional needs are recurring. Some people wonder why is it like this. What I found out is that this is mechanism by God to encourage us and to give us oppertunities to ask for His blessings...  

I like to use less words. Makes me feel in control and makes you think. Thats what I need ppl to do ... think. Thats what I do.   I need my younger generation to think where are we going. I need them to see how wishes are becoming needs.   I need them to find the truth with me.   Lets Hope.  

I guess... there was no death and this is the afterlife cause I am still breathing. That's life isn't it ? We say that a person is alive when he breaths...   But still how we live a life does matter... Does it ?   Lemme tell you a story. Its about a person who was alive. Why because that person was meant to be that way. That person always wanted to know why ? Sometimes he thought he knew the answer and sometimes he didn't.   He often wondered what is real truth.. isn't that something that a person can only know after death... then why wait. Why not end it all thus knowing all... but he was afraid ... afraid of the rules that he was sure were real.   So he decided to take another path... the path that he was always told would lead him to his goal.   so he is walking... on a road on which the end is promised to be his ultimate wish to be one with the truth...   will he ever reach there when on every turn there are signs to mislead him ...

I just want to know when will the cycle end ... is there any hope left ...I am stuck and cant get out it seems like there is no end to what i am going through. It was not like this in the begining ...   The begining was beautiful it was the dew on the soft morning flowers. It was like no other feeling that ever was. I wonder how things are lost so easily. How anything can change and one cant do a thing to stop it.   I know that time heals wounds ... but I dont want the wounds healed ...   I am not sure what I want anymore... nothing is that important anymore... its just a mare existance ... since I exist so I must go on... So I am told again and again ... where ever I go. Why ?   I wonder... how would it be if it were not a sin to .... end it all.   I wish there was someone ...   Sometimes I wonder what would I change in my life so that it would become meaningful and find no answer... it seems nothing is of any meaning to me any...

What is a man's worth...   Its how much money he makes. How expensive his watch is...   What about knowledge...Dignity...Rightousness...Truth... What about experiance... What about devotion... What about pation... What about sacrifice...   nope... your nothing if your purse is not filled with whatever is your favorite bank note.   We live in a world where there is one measure of a man's worth. The whole world spins around it. Like dogs after a bone... we run ... trying to catch it... Pushing each other behind.. tripping one another to death if necessary. We Dont care ... we need money. We need it to feed our hunger for more and more things.   Things ... that make our lives meaningfull ... like a watch ... a Mobile fone and Dish washer....   Relations that we stepped over don't matter hearts that are broken by our words dont count.   We need just one thing...   Money.           ...

Sometimes you just wanna scream, tell the world what's going on inside. But u cant. U cant tell cause that will hurt so many and you will gain nothing. So you keep quiet but what does that achieve for you, nothing but pain and constant misery. You wish you could tell everyone how you've been betrayed, hurt and smashed to pieces. You wish you could tell them how you feel so broken inside and how you cant find a single reason to go on living. You wish you could tell them that everything you ever held dear to you was a lie. You wish you could tell them that you've been betrayed by the single person in the world that you thought could never do that to you. You wish that you could tell them that the notion of family and bonding that you had was shattered at the alter of reality. You wish you could tell them that you want out but cant get out cause you love someone too much to put a life at stake for yours. What can one do? Tell everyone that ...

I had a simple childhood. There were parents. Family. Friends. Life was simple. Then I grew up and saw people vanish from my life ... One by one all gone. Not that I’m alone now but what I am talking about is that one by one everything I knew that made my life…was my life.... changed. Parents died family & close friends scattered all over the globe. What is permanence then ... just an idea....? Everything that we have … we feel a false sense of permanence for it... we hurt our loved ones as though they may be there when we will apologize. We do selfish acts to satisfy our selves and neglect the needs of others. Life can teach a lot of things to a person but it comes at a cost. The cost of lost time, The cost of lost loved ones that we don’t even realize that we love till they are no more. Some of us try to hold on to the past to the memories that we have, but it becomes harder and harder to live with them since the further we go in time the memory becomes more dreamlike and sweet. ...

My recent experience has taught me the lesson again that this is a strange dogmatic world we live in, where you can trust no one and appearances are always deceptive. People are conditioned to do certain things even if they are wrong and lies don’t matter so far as they serve you best. You have no where to go except join in. Do the things that you your self despise... Lie, Cheat, do whatever suits you to achieve your goal. Nobody stops to think the real purpose. The purpose of life. Was is so petty?.. I think NOT. Who has time for thinking these days ... so consumed in one’s self governed wish list. Everything has to be sugar coated or forced on us by the media. We have no choice now. No saying what governs the world. Its just some need here and some need there and then some need that not even existed a few moments ago but was created to satisfy someone else’s need for you to need something that he wants you to need. So sick and tired of living in a world where people have forgotten ho...

For ages a simple question has pondered man's mind and so it has mine as well. Why ? perhaps the question is unnecessary since God Himself as already given the answer in so many of his books and revelations to His profits. But Man is Neive and somewhat ignorent and so much in the notion that his entity as an individual matters. what troubles me is the question. In the grand scheme of things of which I may be an insginificant spec do My existance and the conciousness that Makes me an unique indivisual matters. If not... since what ever I am and whatever I see around me is a reallity is in my mind seen through my eyes and may be totally diffrent from what someone else sees or what actually is .... then whatever there is that I see is my reality that is a reflection of how I see the world. Is mans existance as an unique one just some misconception ... what is the place of man in Gods scheme of things.

The Prelude There are times when the eagle too is afraid of flying... when the fish fear the water and the sun is afraid of its own light.... This was one of those times in my life... I woke up to a dark room, heavy curtains stopping the light coming from the large windows. I realized that my head was aching like hell. Suddenly the telephone rang and I got out of the bed to answer it... Some Dark voice from a distance said : Hello ... Gregory ! I see that you’re awake ... now... Who is this? I said. Ohhh ... that is not relevant at this moment... what is more important is that do you know who u are... I... I .... and it dawned on me.... who Am I .... I didn't remember... See you soon Greg the voice said in a mysterious manner... and the phone hung up. Who was I ... I didn’t know... where was I? ... Now I started to look around. Every thing was unfamiliar. It was a small room the windows were larger then usual I pushed the curtain and looked out side and what I saw I'll neve...

Its old yet its true. The world is getting warmer, the climate is changing. What will it bring for us is anybody's guess. I feel that it will bring on another ice-age. I bought a new mobile set some days ago well it was not new... but anyway its a Moto v180 had to spend some hours on figuiring out how to install stuff into it. In the process learnt a lot.